Friday 26 October 2018

Our Dad (The Daughters' Eulogy)


By now, everyone in this room will be well aware that our Dad was a teacher. In light of this, we thought it fitting for us to recount some of the many lessons that we learned from our Dad over the years. 

Lesson #1: Exceed expectations. When my Dad was first diagnosed, we always talked about Dougler the Outlier. We knew that my Dad had the greatest chance at beating the odds because he didn’t fit into the mold. There are all those people that make up the average, and then there was my Dad, way out there, because he was so far from the norm. In almost everything that he did, he went above and beyond what was expected of him. He excelled at so many things because he tried to use his gifts to glorify God in all areas of his life.   

Lesson #2: Be generous with your time and talents. Our Dad was always so willing to help paint a home, shingle a house, or lay some sod. He was so good at these types of things and he was such a hard worker. He also helped to make these types of tasks so much fun. I spent a week painting the entire interior of my condo with my Dad and, despite the whole painting thing, I have such fond memories of that time. 

Lesson #3: Love your partner, love your kids and love your grandkids. Our Dad loved our Mom so much. He was her biggest fan, and that’s saying something, because she has a lot of fans. It was so incredible to see them together. They were such a united team. My Dad never spoke negatively about our Mom to us and vise versa. It was actually kind of annoying because we could never use them against each other. Our Dad also loved us, his kids, so unconditionally and so deeply. 

Lesson #4: Babes marry babes. This little nugget of wisdom came from my Dad on Sunday night while he was lying in the ER. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be sleeping but he overheard Leanne commenting about the beautiful colour of his eyes and telling my Mom that she married a babe. To that, my Dad murmured “Babes marry babes”. Seems reasonable.

Lesson #5: When you make a presentation, or any time you really need to get a point across, talk with your hands. 

Lesson #6: Be slow to speak and use your words cautiously. My Dad would typically hold off on offering his opinion or analysis on something until everyone else finished offering their opinion or analysis first. It always appeared as though he wouldn’t offer his opinion until he had a chance to hear and consider everyone else’s opinion and point of view. When he did offer his opinion, the opinion would always be so full of insight and wisdom. Everyone always says “think before you speak”, but this is something that my Dad truly did and it was so obvious

Lesson #7: Be thankful in all circumstances.  Throughout the past couple of years, my Dad thanked God for all of the blessings that God continued to put in our lives. My Dad had so many opportunities to be angry with God. The cancer, two surgeries, an inability to do the job that he was so gifted at – the beast was so much greater than the illness. But my Dad remained thankful throughout and his prayers were filled with praise and thanksgiving.

Lesson #8: If you say something somewhat plausible with a reasonable amount of conviction, there’s a good chance that others will believe you when you say it. To this day, I don’t know if half of the things my Dad told me were true or not. 

Lesson#9: If there’s a joke to make, make it. Don’t ever let the extreme corniness of the joke stop you and don’t be limited by what is apparently “appropriate”. 

Lesson #10: Don’t speak negatively about people.  When there are four females in your family, there is a lot of gossip and catty-talk going on. And my Dad never participated in that. He refused to join in on our gossip-sessions and he was a silent reminder that we should close our mouths and quit saying negative things about others.

Lesson #11: Always look for the best in people. When I was in High School, my Dad was the vice principal. In this capacity, he got to know quite a few of my classmates and in particular, the ones that I might describe as “troublemakers”. However, whenever these classmates came up, my Dad would always say something like “Oh so-and-so, he’s a super nice kid” or “he’s got a great sense of humour”. My Dad challenged me to see certain classmates as more than just “troublemakers” or “bad kids”. He made the effort to find the best in everyone and then chose to focus on the good instead of the bad. 

Lesson #12: Everything you have is from God. Through conversations and debates, my Dad taught me that everything I have is from God and should be used to glorify Him. I remember one time in particular when our family had a discussion about tithing. My Dad gently reminded me that God had given me the skills, gifts, and talents that allowed me to work and therefore all of my earnings were a direct result of God and through no work of my own.

Lesson #13: Don’t worry about what other people think. My Dad was so comfortable in his own skin. He didn’t worry about trying to impress others and he never apologized for who he was. At the same time, he was one of the most humble and gracious people I have ever known.  He had an easy and understated way of just being himself. Our friends remember coming to my parents’ house and seeing my Dad ironing clothes while watching TV or watching him brush Erin’s hair into a ponytail. While those things maybe aren’t so uncommon now, it was pretty uncommon to see a Dad doing those types of things around the house back then. Our Dad would put his best effort forth and didn’t care about the limits that others would put on him. 

Lesson #14: If in junior high, you regularly go to the high school gym to practice something called a “hook shoot”, you might go on to become the star of a college basketball team. Or a mediocre high school athlete as the case may be. But still. 

Lesson #15: In life, you may eventually find yourself on the shore of cold and dark waters. When this time comes, do not look for a way around the water. Instead, take off all of your clothes, stripping down until only your Costco gonch remain, and then hold your clothes high above your head and walk right through the water.  Meet your future sons-in-law, who simply walked around the cold and dark waters, on the other side.

Lesson #16: Death is nothing to fear. My Dad also taught us this on Sunday evening. He was so ready to meet his Maker. He spent so much of Sunday night murmuring “Time to go. Time to go. Time to go.” I think he may have been a little bit disappointed whenever he opened his eyes and saw seven of us staring back at him, instead of being greeted by God’s face. It got to the point that he prayed “Dear God, I know this is a bit pushy but I am ready.” Watching my Dad pass away was so hard but also so beautiful – it was comforting to see how ready he was for heaven and I couldn’t help but be excited for him to be healed and be in the presence of the Lord.

Lesson #17: Say yes. If someone asks you to go out for dinner or on a trip or for a hike, a bike ride or a game of golf, accept the invitation. My Dad was always game for anything and this resulted in him coming along on a lot of dates with Ben and me, or perhaps more accurately, on me going along on a lot of dates with Ben and my Dad. 

Lesson #18: The best way to embarrass your high-school aged child is to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” over the intercom system during morning announcements.

Lesson #19: Learn from others. Occasionally, our Sunday family dinners would get a bit heated. There was never a full-out brawl but we would be arguing back and forth across the table. My Dad was usually silent during these disagreements. Once, after a particularly divisive conversation between us girls, we left my parents’ house feeling a bit upset and angry. And then we got a text from my Dad. He told us that he loved that we could have these types of conversations as a family, and that it is so neat that we are all trying to learn from each other instead of trying to “win” the debate. I don’t think any of us were trying to “learn” that evening but my Dad was so good at reminding us about how we should be behaving instead of admonishing us outright.

Lesson #20: Live your life in such a way that, by the time you die, your girls can be ready for you to go, in the sense that you’ve taught them all of these lessons and more. At the same time, however, be so awesome that even though your girls may be ready for you to go, they can’t stand for you to go because they will miss you so, so, so much.

It’s impossible to sum up who my Dad was, or what he meant to us. He was truly an incredible man and the kind and heartfelt words that many of you have extended to us over the past week have reinforced this. He was by no means perfect. Just ask my Mom. He could never remember that the dishtowel was supposed to be folded in quarters and the hand towel was supposed to be folded in thirds. However, while not a perfect man, he was the perfect Dad for us. 

He was a wonderful reflection of God’s light. He was fun, he was wise, he was insightful, he was kind, he was steady, he was dependable, he was loving, he was good. He filled our lives with all of these things and, through the lessons that he taught us, he will continue to spread his light. 

So what a life to celebrate! Thank you so much for joining us here today to celebrate our Dad. Thank you also for all of your kind words, thoughtful prayers and big hugs. We so appreciate your support. We love him so much and we want to thank every single person here today for loving him, too.

Thursday 4 October 2018

Doug Monsma

Monsma, Douglas Kurt
March 2, 1961 - October 2, 2018

On Tuesday, October 2, 2018, Doug went home to his heavenly Father. 

He will be so deeply missed and lovingly remembered by his wife, Loretta (Prins), and his children: Tara and Derek Boonstra (Kase and Arie); Leanne Monsma and Ben Lindemulder; and Erin and Matthew Hollingsworth (Henrietta). 

Doug will also be remembered by his father, Bud (Claudia) Monsma; his mother, Rita Vandenberg; his brother, Greg (Joy) Monsma; his sister, Gayle Monsma; his in-laws: Corinne (Joe) Baier;  Wayne (Leah) Prins;  Joan (Jason) VanDoesburg; Darrell Prins; Arlene (Randy) Kuzyk; Philip (Ingrid) Prins; Charles Prins; and Catharine (Mike) Rozendaal; numerous nieces, nephews and other family members; and friends. 

Doug loved Jesus and reflected God’s unrelenting love on all those around him. He was wise, humble, kind, and witty. Doug’s desire in life was to help others develop a sincere and meaningful relationship with God and he did great work furthering God’s kingdom on earth.  

A visitation will be held at the family home on Friday, October 5, 2018 from 6:30 to 8:30 in the evening. 

A memorial service to celebrate Doug’s life will be held on Tuesday, October 9, 2018 at 1:00 in the afternoon at West End Christian Reformed Church (10015 149 Street). 

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to The Edmonton Society for Christian Education.