Thursday 15 June 2017

Going Commando!!

It has been about a month since the last post, which has just brought me to the end of another round of chemotherapy. This round of chemo was better tolerated than the previous two, with less nausea and improved tolerance of screens. Daily life routines such as yard work and house maintenance were enjoyed! Weekly routines like caring for grandson Kase were also a continued blessing. I even snuck in a round of golf!  I have also never received more compliments about my appearance (well ...since High school!) as I have the last month. People who haven’t seen me lately are surprised that I actually look quite healthy, even minus 25 pounds.  An updated photo tells the story of miraculous healing since the surgery from last November!
The month has been good!  I was ready to begin the next round of chemo, with my monthly blood work being very positive, until…a visit to the Doctor last week due to some unusual bumps on my skin revealed that I have a case of shingles - just what I needed! Since we caught it early, I am hoping that the symptoms will pass quickly, the pain will be gone, I can start the next round of chemo (which has been delayed due my compromised immune system) and, most importantly, resume grandkid time on Thursdays with Kase! In the meantime, I guess I will continue to Go Commando! Those of you are who empathetic, feel free to join me!
Employment update:
As many of you know, this year would have brought my second 3-year secondment to The Prairie Centre for Christian Education (PCCE) to an end.  I am very disappointed that I haven’t been able to fulfill my duties due to my illness.  The last 6 years have been a wonderful blessing for me and I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had to work in so many Christian schools across North America and to get to know so many gifted, passionate Christian Educators.

But as you are aware, my cancer treatments may stretch well into the next school year so I have decided it best to resign from the PCCE Director of Learning position.  At this time I am on long-term disability and didn’t feel it would be fair, financially and service-wise, to ask a small service organization like PCCE to have one of its key employees away on an undetermined length medical leave.  While we are confident that this is the right decision at this time it has been an emotional struggle to step away from this work just as it is really starting to flourish.

Final thought:
“Can you give me a ride to …”
“Can you pick up _____ the next time you are at Costco?”
“Can you give me a hand unloading my lawnmower?”
“My downspout is clogged - can you give me a hand to clean it out?”

“Offering help is courageous and compassionate but so is asking for help.” – Brenè Brown.

One of the most powerful lessons that I have learned over the last months has been about the beauty of asking for help! For most of my adult life I have been a helper, quick to volunteer with a helping hand.  I have been “courageous and compassionate”!  Now that my role has been altered from being the one giving help to the one needing help, I have seen that part of my self-worth was connected to being a giver or helper.  It has been a real challenge to give up this position of power and become humble enough to admit I can’t do this by myself.  I think Brown captures this tension accurately when she writes, "The danger of tying your self-worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help."  I’m not sure that I have felt shame but I have been embarrassed to ask for help on a number of occasions. However, the embarrassment has always been wiped away by the compassionate assistance gladly offered.  It seems that many folks consider it a gift to be asked to help, which shouldn’t surprise me because I have always been blessed by offering and providing help.

Our family has had a number of very interesting conversations around asking for help and a healthy attitude when helping.  My sister Gayle forwarded this blog post and I found it quite insightful. (I also am jealous of the clever blog name!!)


I am praying that we have all become more “courageous and compassionate!” in our asking and our helping!