Wednesday 21 December 2016

Wrestling with God

"I was thinking last night ..."

Those are often the most dreaded words my colleagues hear from me - I would usually have some sort of new idea or task to tackle.  They would also have the sense that they would be highly involved in the completion of said task.  A number of weeks ago, this blog was introduced to my family with "I was thinking that a blog would be a good idea". 

As you may have noticed, the initial work has been done by the three daughters and a number of guest bloggers. I have yet to contribute anything other than the idea. This is where I jump in and will share some of my thoughts and things I have learned about God, family and friends over the last few weeks.

"Slay the beast" has been the prayer rallying cry from the start.  It continues to fit all too well!  The cancer is indeed a nasty beast and it will take a miracle to beat it back.  But we know where to find miracles and are confident that God is preparing one.  Our family is experiencing a deep sense of peace, for which we are most thankful.  

Despite this deep sense of peace, God and I have had a few high stakes matches, inspired by Psalm 42.  I am touched by the honest expression of tears and a groaning soul.  Satan torments "Where is your God?".  God has challenged me to be thirstier for Him and His love and I am working hard to be in training around this, with lots of support from family, friends and helpful writers.  Psalm 42 so accurately captures my personal tension in prayer  a deep prayer that God’s will be done but still a powerful prayer for a healing miracle.  I am still wrestling with this … but Loretta assures me that that is okay!  I trust her.

Longing for God
Like a deer that yearns
for running streams,
so my soul is yearning 
for you, my God

My soul is thirsting for God,
the God of my life;
when can I enter and see
 the face of God?

My tears have become my bread,
by night, by day,
as I hear it said all day long:
"Where is your God?"

These things will I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I would lead the rejoicing crowd
into the house of God,
amid cries of gladness and thanksgiving,
the throngs wild with joy.

Why are you cast down, my soul,
why groan within me?
Hope in God; I will still praise the Lord,
my savior and my God.

- Psalm 42: 1-5, A New Translation

Through all of this, our family has been busy preparing for Christmas. This includes putting up decorations, but more importantly, continuously recommitting to advent. Thanks to so many of you who wished us a blessed advent.  I do admit that this has been a real challenge for me but Loretta has a beautiful way of challenging me to reframe this message into the story of hope, into which we are living so powerfully and profoundly. We are people of hope. 

As an update concerning treatment:
  • We feel very blessed in that Dr. Easaw, our primary doctor, who will walk this journey with us, is a totally delightful man, full of life, passion and hope.  What a gift! 
  • I was fitted for a radiation shield this morning and hope to begin radiation early in January.  
My radiation shield. Thinking about using it as next year's Halloween costume. 
  • I also spent about 30 minutes with scans today and was comforted by repeating a prayer from a little book called The Way of the Pilgrim, which suggests that we pray thousands of times daily "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me." I lost track after 100.  It was affirming that my prayerful cadence matched the whirs of the machines. I also pray that this prayer moves from my lips to my heart.
  • I will be starting an oral form of chemotherapy at the same times as my radiation and have been assured multiple times that the chemo will not cause any hair loss...what a relief. 
    No more swelling!
  • We were planning on adding this as a prayer request but the prayer has been answered already! I will be part of a study at the Cross Cancer Institute where I will be undergoing four weeks of radiation instead of six. The results from the study so far show that the four week duration is at least as effective or better than the six week duration and there are no different side effects. 

As my daughters have done in previous posts, thank you so much for your support. Your notes, cards, and emails have been a daily expression of God’s love and hope.  We remain convinced that so many of the early miracles related to surgery and recovery have been answered prayers. Pray on! 
The scar is healing quite well! 
For those of you wondering if there is anything in particular that we would like you to pray for at this time, please pray for: 
  • Loretta, as she navigates the busiest time of her year – tax season – with the intensity of the treatment schedule.  Morning prayers would be a real gift!
  • Me, as I have just started a journey through Space for God: The Study and Practice of Prayer and Spirituality by Don Postema.  My hope is that it will touch my heart deeply.  
Know that your prayers are like morning dew, both life-giving and refreshing! 

Finally, I would like to share with you a piece of beautiful scripture, a great anecdote, and the words of a powerful prayer, sent by Cari Gonzalez from Langley Christian School.  

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
 - Zephaniah 3:17


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From the moment God made that amazing covenant with Abraham - where He walked through twice and pledged to hold up both ends of the bargain - He loved you. 

In this Christmas season may Jesus truly be your Wonderful Counsellor, your Mighty God, your Everlasting Father and your Prince of Peace.

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Father in Heaven,

We thank you and praise you for who you are. Your love is perfect and never ends. 

Father, we lift up to you Doug in this moment. Lord, you know every inch of his body - inside and out - and right now we just pray, that in Jesus mighty name that you will heal Doug. That the tumour will not just shrink but will disappear. That you will restore Doug and heal
his body. 

Father - we cast his cares on to you and lay them at your altar. Your altar, a place of exchange, where we can instead take up your burden which is light.

God, bless Doug with not only healing but peace, and courage, and strength and JOY in this time. May he feel Your presence more so than he ever has. May your rest just take over his body. 

Thank you, Lord for the blessing he has been to many. 

We offer this up to you, in Jesus name,
Amen.

   - Doug "Bad Ass" Monsma






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