Storming the Gates of Heaven

The previous blog post by Matthew titled “Safety” ended with these thoughts:

“In my last post, I talked about joy.  The point of this post is peace.

It's been echoed a lot within the family.  We feel at peace.  We are trusting in God.  This is not an easy or safe situation, but His goodness will prevail.

I am going to close with a quote from one of the later Chronicles of Narnia.  And as a homage to C.S. Lewis, I'm going to use it as an allegory/metaphor of the deepest, most desperate prayer of my heart.

""Begone, Monster, and take your lawful prey to your own place: in the name of Aslan and Aslan's great Father, the Emperor-Over-the-Sea."

The hideous creature vanished...""

So ends Matthew’s blogpost.

I have been struggling thinking about what God’s goodness will look like for our family.  This goodness is a twin to God’s providence in our lives:

God's providence is

his almighty and ever present power, 

whereby, as with his hand, he still upholds

heaven and earth and all creatures, 

and so governs them that

leaf and blade,

rain and drought,

fruitful and barren years,

food and drink,

health and sickness,

riches and poverty, 

indeed, all things,

come to us not by chance 

but by his fatherly hand. 

Heidelberg Catechism Q and A 27

Yet, on a daily basis my experience seems to fall more closely in line with the Psalmist:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

You are far from my plea and the cry of my distress.

O my God, I call by day and you give me no reply;

I call by night and I find no peace …

Do not leave me alone in my distress;

Come close, there is none else to help.

Psalm 22:1-2, 11      A New Translation

In my previous post titled “Wrestling with God” I shared some of the tensions that I was feeling in my prayer life and the challenge of submitting to God’s will, especially as I imagine how painful this submission might be for my family.  I have continued to try to make sense of this and have found some of the thoughts of Henri Nouwen to be helpful.

He quotes Abraham Heschel, who describes the spiritual practice of protest, as being an important aspect of spirituality.  He writes: “The refusal to accept the harshness of God’s ways in the name of His love was an authentic form of prayer. Indeed, the ancient Prophets of Israel were not in the habit of consenting to God’s harsh judgment and did not simply nod, saying, ‘Thy will be done.’  They often challenged Him, as if to say ‘Thy will be changed.’”  

Nouwen suggests that perhaps our relationship with God is deepened when we move past submission and can question His decrees. Don Postema extends this thinking in his fine book “Space for God” by suggesting that when we limit our honest emotions with God or “limit our relationship with Him to pious moments and sentimental hours”, a result is that “our spiritual life then loses strength and power and quickly becomes divorced from issues that really matter.”   

I find this helpful … or maybe it is just convenient at this time?  I continue to wrestle …

And now the hard work of wrestling the beast begins!  We have now completed all our consultations with the “experts” – what an amazing array of gifts God provides!  We begin a 4-week treatment cycle on Tuesday that involves concurrent daily radiation and chemo treatment, followed by an additional two weeks of chemo only.  Please pray that these treatments effectively attack the beast and that the side effects are minimal.  

After this initial round of intense treatment, I will have a month of recovery time and then move into a monthly routine of chemo treatment, for between 6 and 12 months.  The beast is a fierce foe.

Please pray without ceasing for God’s healing grace in the months ahead.  I love the image that Matthew Beimers shared with me early on – that he would be storming the gates of heaven! Storm away!

Reach – Robert Hodgell

- Doug